2008?... dats pretty fast.

at the age of 7, i realise you are gone.

y?... is it because things can't work out anymore?
or is it because you give up on us?...

you know it's not easy for me & adik,

you know we still need you forever,

you know we love you,

you know we want you to live with us under one roof,

you know that a father is essential in our lives,

but why? just why you never keep trying?...

i'm sorry for having to say all this.

is just that i find it unrealistic.

WHY is it that when as a couple, everyone can go that far to do anything for their love ones?
even if the relationship is on the verge of breaking up, couples would do anything to keep it going, to keep it growing so as to never let go?

but after marriage, when things or sometimes just a small issue crops up, they stop. coz they think that,
"Oh, it will never work."
when others advice to keep trying, try to solve the issue, they take their time to work it out as husbands & wives and the solution?

most of the time issues were solved, can be solved, but it's only for awhile.
the next time it happens again, separation is what is in their mind.

WHAT THE HECK????

IF YOU MARRY TO DIVORCE, THEN DON'T MARRY!!!

MARRIAGE IS A LIFETIME FULFILMENT,

MARRIAGE IS FOREVER,

AND SO THINK BEFORE YOU MARRY,

THINK THAT IF THINGS REALLY CAN'T WORK OUT WITH HIM OR HER,

THEN STOP THE RELATIONSHIP & LOOK FOR SOMEONE ELSE!

MARRIAGE IS NOT A GAME,

AND THE DEMOST IMPORTANT THING IS THAT,

GOD HATES PEOPLE WHO DIVORCE,

WHO BREAKS UP THE MARRIAGE.

i'm sorry. i know i'm not married and i don't know how it is like when you are in a marriage life.

but i have mind to think,

eyes to see,

ears to listen,

and the gift to be able to know what is right & wrong.

so, it's not wrong for me to say it anyway.

i'm just speaking out of my mind which have long been stuck there.

i miss my papa.

i never know what it's like to be when you grow up with a dad,

i never know how it is like to laugh, cry and smile with a dad.

i never know how it is like to go through all hardships together as a family.

i hate it. i hate the feeling of not knowing.

my eyes will swell with tears...

each time i see a family going out together,

each time i see a father hugs & kiss their children & mum,

each time i see a family jokes around with each other,

each time i see other's mum AND dad are present for a meeting, a concert and presentation.

i don't know why, my tears will just swell.

yes, i do feel jealous at times, but most of the time,

i feel totally sad and depressed for i never know how it is like and how it feels like.

papa, you always remind me and adik,

"Jangan sampai papa buat. (Don't let me do.)"

do what, pa? do what?

i know what you did to your family, and i don't want you to ever do the same thing to us. i don't want you to throw us too.

i study hard, because i don't want to lose you,

i aim high & chase my dream because i want you to know that i'm serious about wanting you to stay & keep us.

i avoid myself from being astray,

i avoid myself from all the bad things in life because i don't ever want you to do it, because of my mistakes.

but why? why is it that you never want to realise what i did and instead keep saying it?...

if adik did the mistake, do i have to bear that consequences of yours?

just because you say it doesn't matter who did it,

it only takes 1 of us to make you do it.

is it fair for me, pa?

is it fair for us???

pa, you are an adult, a wise man, for God sake, you don't have to do it, pa.

i try to call you but can never be reached.

where are you, pa?...

where have you gone to?

*even if you have gone back to your wive & children in philippine, you could have told me. you could just have told me, pa.